“How Can Anyone Help Me When I Don't Know What I Want?”

What's your career history and current job?

I've been a criminal barrister for the past 14 years.

It was always my dream when I was a little girl; my father (who I adored) was a policeman, and I grew up with a very strong sense of justice and righteousness.

I always knew I'd go to university to study law, always knew I'd pass the Bar, and always knew I'd work as a barrister.

What I didn't know was that I'd discover law isn't actually right for me.

And so now I'm on a 'career break', otherwise referred to in my household as a 'jump into the hopeful unknown' (when we're feeling optimistic, at least).

How do you feel about your work?

I've left it, so that probably says it all!

I had a sense that I was in the wrong place fairly early on in my career, but I always pushed that thought away. I imagined that as I became more successful I'd have more control over the work I took on, and that I'd become more grounded in my emotions and judgement. Actually, the longer I stayed, the more out of place I felt, and the more confused, and the more disconnected from that black-and-white, right-and-wrong certainty I had when I was young.

The day-to-day reality of life in the law never matched up to what I dreamed it would be when I was young, and I think on some level I'll never forgive it for that.

Having said that, I do have days (fairly frequently) when I have to battle the urge to run back to the nest. I know law. I'm successful. It's easy to want to return to it when I'm feeling as uncertain and directionless as I am now… but I suppose that's why I made the leap in the first place!

What would you like to be doing instead?

I don't know.

I've got some hunches (I like working with people, I'm interested in social issues, I enjoy reading about psychology and art history and travel), but nothing firm enough to state with any conviction. I have lists of things I like, but that's about as far as it goes.

What's the biggest obstacle in your way?

I feel utterly two-dimensional and trapped.

Until I know what I want to do, I can't go after it with any sense of purpose or direction, but I can't stand the idea of waiting any longer.

And the hardest part is trying to make any headway with other people. My friends ask me what I want to do next with my career, and I really want to have an answer, so I stumble over my words and get embarrassed and defensive.

I come off as tongue-tied and vague when I meet people whose work interests me.

Last week at a party I met a woman who advises government policy on well-being at work, and when she asked me what I was moving into, all I could say was: "I don't really know yet… but what you do sounds really good…"

That vagueness and fluffiness is so drastically unlike me: I was so embarrassed. I felt like I had nothing of my own to say, and I sounded like I was just trying to piggyback on her career.

I want to feel confident in telling people what I'm doing and where I'm going, so that I can network powerfully and actually make some progress.

But when I don't know what I want, how can I ask people to help me?

• Have you been in a similar situation, or are you in the same boat right now?
• How could Sophia start articulating herself more clearly to move her shift forwards?
• Do you know anyone she could talk to?